My thoughts

So I haven't updated in a very long time. First thing's first, I was doing great until someone decided to use me again and then turn the fucking thing all around and blame me...MAYBE SHE SHOULDNT OF STOPPED ME IN THE FIRSTPLACE.I mean I'm about to leave a friends house and she comes out and gets in my truck to talk to me and it ends up she did it to use me, and then gets mad at me for asking her best friend out!!! WHEN I FUCKING DIDN'T!!! All I did was ask her friend if she wanted to go to a MORMEN dance on Saturday(
Not as my date but as a group with other friends).This person now likes someone else so they pretty much just used me for pleasure...A fourth time, the more and more I think about her using me as a damn bottle makes me feel like I don't have a reason to be here. That I'm just here to give anyone pleasure that I have no feelings at all. This my friends really suck. The situation I have been put in.


Try outs for Give My Regards To Broadway where Tues-Weds they where fun, I did ok... I did a lot better on my first time singing on Wednesday, and today I did ok...Alex tried out for the play today, Alex is a good guy but I wanted to do something that he's not better than me at, and it seems he's better then me at drama just as he is at trumpet...(even though people told me I had an amazing voice, I believe Alex did better) I just wish that
something would work out for me!!! It's just that I've been used like a water bottle 4 times by the same person, I have lost friends to make other friends happy, I have come close to being very sick thanks to my heart, and I go to the Doc every month. And I didn't really want anyone to know but what was bothering me last year is coming back because of all the pressure I'm getting from people. I just wish that I would believe that I had friends that cared. Not people that just want to use me or take someone away from me!!! I JUST WANT THING'S TO WORK OUT!!! Just this one time in my life.


Ps. that's just the frosting on the cake. :(

Went 4 wheeling in the snow all day!!!! OC kicked ass ( got hurt) Saw a pretty cool girl and got her number as well :P

FRIENDS ONLY NOW. SRRY

WEll today i listened to the concert band recording and i may say it sounded a little better then the symphonic( and I'm in both bands so i have the right to state this^^)there's only one song we have to work on and that my friends is Ritual. Other then that today went ok, even though i'm worried about something...

I feel like shit.Hurt like none other but I still have to go to school=-(

Well, today really suck, I was hoping on it being a good day but it truly wasn’t…
First reason on why it was not a good day was because someone wouldn’t talk to me, mainly because they have a good reason, but it would be nice if they could at least say hi….
Secondly. Today I received a note from my worst enemy/.The note said * Dear Bubar, we both know that me and you hate one another but we also both know that you are an ugly son of a acne bitch. I can not believe that you consider that you even have a chance with any girl/women in your entire life. You have bad acne on your face=-(, you have Red hair witch no girl/women would ever consider sexy/cute, or what ever the hell you want to think. You may have the heart, passion, loving care for who ever you will be with (even if some girl/women in their rightful mind would be with you) See there’s so many things that you have Bubar that girl likes/deserves but you don’t have the looks , we both know that girls go for the tall, good looking skinny guys, Like me, that don’t even truly care for the girl, all we want is to get in there pants and have some fun kissing, but see you are probably wondering how the hell the girl does not find out, that my friend is called acting like you none good looking guys….We keep up this acted for a while tell we get tired of dating them, then we just through them away like they where nothing. But what I’m trying to tell you Bubar is stop acting like nothing is wrong or that some day a girl will see for who you are, we both know it will not happen, cause the girls don’t take the time to find you one of a kind guys , they always look for us tall cute guys, witch indeed we are but in all reality we are complete jackasses. JUST GIVE UP BUBAR. ITS NOT GOING TO WORK OUT FOR YOU>>>!!!!.

After I read the note I may have been mad but I’m not going to do anything about it, because I don’t really care. Soon I will be going some where on Sunday and if that works out(WITCH I KNOW IT WILL) I will be given a second chance at life, I may not be good looking and I may not of acted like the true me for the past few months. But after Sunday I will be given a second chance and I tend to make the new chance the best time of my life and the ones around me..

Also in the note he says that I have bad acne and it will never go. Well to let him know and all of you, I have been to the doc about a billions of millions times and they all gave me treatments to try and help me out but none of them help…Also I know that my acne may be bad, but its only on my face, and also a few days ago I went to the doc for something else and he talked to me about my acne, since I was there. But he gave me ways that it can be helped. He said that the acne is from Oregon ( the reason he says that is because I lived in Main for a year and I had no acne, also when I have gone down to California for things I had no acne)The doc also stated that the reason I have bad acne in Oregon is because of the way the weather works, it irritates me skin…and also he said that when I turn 16 in one month and 8 days that my body should be able to fight against the weather and my acne should go bye bye or at least go down, SO HA my acne will go down but it will just take sometime.

And about the girl thing on how I will not be able to get one, cause of my looks. Well dude I take that part of the note as a compliment, because you say that I’m a passionate, sweet, caring one of a kind guy, that girls truly deserve * witch makes you sound gay=-) that just really made me feel good, cause if a girl wants a tall , cute guy then they can go for it, cause I don’t really care, I do not want to be with someone that goes for the out side and does not care to look for the inside, that would just mean they would like me for my looks not for who I am. And also dude things will not work out for you as well, because you may have the girls now but later on in life it doesn’t work, because those girls will have experience with your type and know not to go for it…

Also you hurt your self in the note more then you hurt me because now they know how you guys acted and what to look for….

One more thing, YES IT WILL WORK OUT FOR ME, maybe not now but sometime in my life it will get better.

Just to let you all know you guys are great friends and thanks for being there for me. Theres so much more i could say but it would take me years/weeks, and I really dont have enough time for it, so I'll talk to you guys later...

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALlalalallalalalalla, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored

Oh ya, i'mstill going to the doc tomorrow..

Last night after josh dropped me off I went into the kitchen and I passed out. My brother rushed me to the ER and they kept me there from 2am to 1pm.They said the reason I passed out was cause something with a long name(witch I cant spell) shut down....They gave me 4 shots, one in the arm, 2 in the ASS, and 2 more in the other arm. I also have some med for my heart and some other prob that I have going on. They said that the reason I’m so sick/hurting is cause this has been going on for I guess one year in a half....and they said it was not from a family thing it was from when I broke my ribs it brought in a virus that I guess has been kicking my ass…In 2 months I might have to go in for surgery. The doc also said that if my breathing/chest hurts when I play my trumpet I have to quit playing it for a while=-(, but I can still play the piano...

Well people don’t tell anyone, mk, just keep it to us Lj people, mk? And also don’t act different around me. Well I have to go now...Bye

Nothing I do or say will change anything!!

Well i'm going to the doc on sunday cause my mom thinks i'm depressed and also for 2 weeks I have been coughing up blood and my heart some times hurts like none other.I dont want to tell my mom this but some times my chest hurts so bad I end up fall to my knees thinking that i'm going to die...=-(


Ps. That's why I have been in a bad mood/sad...

Directions:Below are several statements about the a few major things/big ideas that everyone is wondering about.Please respond to the folowinfg by rather choosing, Agree, or Disagree.(there are no wrong answers)..Pick two or more of these topics that u feel strongly about and write your rationale for holding these opinions on a comment.Be ready to discuss if need be.....

1. True love actually exists. AGREE/DISAGREE
2. It is possible for teenagers to understand and really be in love. AGREE/DISAGREE
3. People can learn to love anyone if given enough time. AGREE/DISAGREE
4. While their chiildern might not understand it, parents do what is best for their children. AGRRE/DISAGREE
5. People can fall in love in a very shot amount of time. AGREE/DISAGREE
6. Its is important to stick by and defend your family no matter what. AGREE/DISAGREE
7. Some people and beliefs are worth dying for. AGREE/DISAGREE
8. Lust has nothing to do with love. AGREE/DISAGREE

I kinda broke out today cause i shaved=-( but o well it happens...

I love bailing hay it keeps me in shape and makes me better looking then i already em..Well there is one thing I dont like about it and that would be, I bail with no shirt on so I sometimes get sun burned=-(

Today was a good day not great not bad just good...

Lets see today I wnet to the movies and shoping and just got back form muchos^^

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I can be on the computer now, even though i knew the pass.^^

cant sleep...